Now that I have been in New York City for a month, I feel like a local, whatever that means. I can walk up and down Fifth Avenue and not think of the fancy, large shops in a grandeur manner, but rather as just some shops that have way too many products to shop for in one visit. (Moment of silence for the fact that I can walk on Fifth Avenue basically whenever I want.) I can get on the metro and use whichever train to get to my destination without plugging the address into a map. I can do hot yoga in the morning and chill in the evening, without feeling like I’m missing out on something. I feel comfortable, which in a sense makes me anxious because DukeEngage is supposed to make you feel uncomfortable and challenge you. The program itself is challenging by nature because we discuss topics such as the relationship between sexual orientation and capitalism, sexual terrorism, reproductive rights, and our greatest weaknesses. We are challenged to grasp the facts and take a stance. We are pushed to figure out the type of person we want to be in the world with all of this information. We are encouraged to see the society as a whole and its implications along with the individual and its implications. Lately, I have heard from other Moxies that it has been draining to do this on a daily basis, since we discuss these issues in our free time too. However, this also hasn’t made me incredibly uncomfortable or drained. I have been been discussing systematic and institutionalized oppression since I was young; I have been questioning how I as an individual fit into and challenge that system and institution since I was young; I have been forming my stance on a lot of these issues since I was young.  I had the opportunity to grow up in a household where we talked about all of these things. My mother never left anything up in the air and she told me the way the world worked; I had at least two things working against me, I was brown and a woman. However unfair that was, it just meant that I had to work ten times as harder to measure up and be ten times better than my peers while never forgetting who and what got me there.

On a daily basis, I think about my position in the world and how I can use that to succeed and help others succeed. I think about how my education of the systems and institutions we live in will inform my actions to break down the racist and sexist (among other things) world and culture we interact with. In a way, I’m trying to refine my thoughts and actions more so than learning about how to think and act about certain things. It is a different type of challenge, one that doesn’t drain me, but that drives me. It makes me more comfortable to be in an environment that challenges me to do so because this program is dedicated to making us more informed and critical about the world around us. Since I have been more exposed to this information for whatever reason that may be, I have felt like a veteran participating in certain discussions. I have already had to time to form an opinion and understand a theory; I have already had an experience that exemplifies certain topics; I have already done extensive research on systematic oppression. I have the ability to be articulate on certain topics because I have had time to digest and think about them.

On the other hand, I am able to better frame the way that I talk about certain things because of the discussions I have with other Moxies. I am able to learn about a different way of approaching the issues because other Moxies have grown up with different experiences. I am learning a lot from everyone else on the program because everyone thinks and processes in different ways that inform the way they discuss certain issues. I have decided that I want to focus on not just refining my thoughts and actions, but on the application of those thoughts and actions. I want to focus on the professional track on implementing those informed thoughts and actions. I am able to have firsthand experience as a community organizer, I am going to meet with a social activist that makes a living doing what they love, and I am going to meet with a human rights lawyer. I want to get a better sense of the paths that are possible in the future that will include my passions in the actual work I do. However, lately it seems like there are more options that I can see myself doing, which is just making the future foggier and foggier. Even though I have been able to consider myself a veteran in an exposure and academic sense (although I am nowhere near completely educated about any topic because I am 20 years old and there’s not enough time in the world), I sure have no idea what the future holds and I am still trying to figure out how my professional life can exist in a way that has been informed by my academic pursuits.