Now that the Moxie program is starting to wind down, I’ve decided that we’re gonna take it all the way back to our first pre-departure meeting. Yup, that’s what we’re talking about today.

Before we even arrived in New York, the Moxies had a discussion on how the rise in neoliberalism has created a shift from a communal society to an individualistic one. As a result, perfectionism is at an all time high. As we become more focused on the individual, young people, like myself, feel immense pressure to have the perfect grades, attend high ranked colleges, and be the best at everything we do. Young people often determine their success based on the success of those around them thereby creating a competitive atmosphere to be the most successful. If Lilly gets into a DukeEngage program and then finds out Tommy is interning at Capitol Hill, Lilly suddenly feels like she is missing out because she is comparing herself to her peer. While it is great to hold students up to high expectations, it is not so beneficial in a neoliberalist society, like ours, because we tend to exaggerate these standards to the point where they become nearly impossible. One slip up and it’s the end of the world!

After completing the article, I was sort of annoyed by the author’s vague resolution. She stated that in order to stray away from individualism, we need to make strides towards “collective values.” I mean….duh…sis… of course. But, what concrete things can we do to alter this success obsessed world we live in?

I might have a few ideas based on my experience here in NYC. These tips may not be helpful for everyone, but I do believe that we should take the time to consider them. In order to strive towards a collective, we need to deconstruct the way we exist in this society and change the way we respond to neoliberal systems. Here’s how:

1. Embrace the Unfamiliar.

When we visited Choices Women’s Medical Center, Merle asked the Moxies if we thought we were politically engaged. My response was, “Well, I want to be” and the only thing holding me back from claiming this identity was that I felt as though I did not know enough. I explained that there was so much more I needed to know about government and politics in order for me to be truly be politically engaged. But, fact of the matter is, we’ll never really know everything. From discussing how labels can actually inhibit sexual liberation to understanding why empathy is not the gateway to creating change, Moxie continues to open new doors outside what I initially sought coming into the program. It’s like everything we discuss is food for thought & I’m stuffed, but I can’t stop eating. I can’t stop thinking. In order to refrain from perfectionism, we have to understand that we will never be perfect. It is okay to be confused. We don’t and won’t have answers to everything. So don’t be afraid when you are confronted with something new. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable and don’t freak out when things don’t align the way you thought they would.

2.  Breathe.

Breathing is a moment where you simply get to be. You get the opportunity to just exist. So, stop thinking about that paper that is due next week for 10 minutes. Stop worrying about the A you really “need” in that class and take a break from thinking about the next internship you “need” to apply for. What we really need is to breathe and by breathe, I am not just referring to the gas exchange that occurs in our lungs. I am suggesting that we do things that help us decompress because life shouldn’t be about stressing all the time. For some people, relaxation means exercising, listening to music, or driving. For me, this means slapping on a face mask and letting it clear my pores as I binge watch crappy episodes of Jersey Shore. Whatever “breathing” is to you, do it. Breathe.

3.  Soak Up Your Surroundings.

I’ve always known NYC is “the city that never sleeps,” but living here has made me realize that this city is the epitome of perfectionism. New Yorkers are always on the go and are so focused on what is ahead that they don’t get the chance to appreciate what is here, right now. This constant rush has enhanced the stress I feel and when I am chillin’, I feel more stressed because it feels like I’m not doing anything purposeful. But, we need to realize that we don’t always have to be doing something! This isn’t just a NYC thing, but this is also a common feeling in college. If we aren’t cramming for an exam or writing a 10 page paper then we think we aren’t working hard enough. But, sometimes we need to just live in the moment. The other day, Bianca, Kaili, Laura, and I played a game where we each had to answer questions about ourselves for a full 2 minutes. Even though I was nervous to share, it felt good to be open, honest, and learn about one another. One night, Kaili and I shared a common interest in conspiracy theories and it was so fun to laugh and think about the world’s curiosities and exaggerated ideas. Finally, yesterday, I walked passed this bubble tea spot that I’ve been wanting to try and as tired as I was, I just wanted to go straight home. Instead, I took 5 minutes to buy the Passion Fruit tea and when I tell you it was worth it… oh boy. I didn’t even know I liked Bubble Tea! The point is, there is more to life than work. Don’t let your surroundings just be surroundings. Allow yourself to explore and enjoy them.

While most of these tips seem like they still focus on the individual, I believe that this is a different kind of individual. Rather than constantly focusing on ourselves in comparison to others, we need to understand that we are humans. When we realize life isn’t about being perfect, we will adapt to a particular mindset where we will finally allow ourselves to become more collaborative. I say we because this is something I need to work on too. It takes time and it will be difficult. But, don’t stress. It is possible.