For me personally, the #1 reason this summer has been life changing is because I have gained self-confidence I have been lacking for the past 3 years at Duke. My story is the classic one. I thought the world of myself and my abilities in high school and then I got to Duke and became a small fish in a big pond and all of that trust in my abilities starting fading away day by day, class by class, semester by semester. The conventional knowledge that when a woman goes to the university, she loses confidence becomes more timid and less sure of herself is really real. That was really me.
So as you could imagine, it was totally refreshing when I came to NYC and LM to get compliments on my work. It was refreshing that people wanted to get to know me not because I went to Duke but because of my interests and ideas. It’s also nice to not be surrounded by overly-competitive, cut-throat, spoiled-brats (do I need to say that not everyone at Duke is like this, just enough to seem like too many). And while this isn’t true, it seems like everyone in NYC is involved in some community-based, political or social justice organization. The point being that the change in scenery and in people was much needed for me. It was refreshing to start on a clean slate, in a new city where only a handful of people know who I am. When Alicia Keys sang, “…these streets will make you feel brand new…” she definitely wasn’t lying because that was my sentiment exactly. I felt like a brand new woman.
Now, the city is far from perfect. I have observed and learned about some things both on the streets and in the office that have disappointed me and brought me back down to earth but still it feels immensely amazing to be outside of the Duke bubble, outside of the academic pressure and outside of the undergrad social hierarchy. Though this is extremely selfish, the search and frisk, the NYPD presence in NYC public schools and the fact that places like East Harlem are food deserts—yet Bloomberg is trying to restrict the purchase of large sodas as a solution to the city’s nutritional problems—among other things that really irk me about the city do not bother me like the effortless perfection syndrome that plagues Duke. After all, a top-ten rated college campus should be a little more enlightened than an entire city, right?
I even feel more secure as a feminist within this third wave. I wouldn’t think twice about identifying as a feminist towards any audience; I’m going to get my Samantha Jones on (the character who was the epitome of third wave feminism on Sex and the City). My challenge now is to bring this confidence back to Duke with me. I can’t lose it or let it become weak. I can make it stronger by not comparing myself to my peers and even challenging them to take on a social justice perspective to life.
India,
I was thrilled to hear about your new found confidence and look forward to hearing about how it grows and how you continue to change throughout your summer. Do you think the change is because you’re feeling a little more anonymous and less like you’re in a pressure cooker? Because you feel like you’re doing work that matters? Because New York has a little bit of everything, so everybody fits in? What do you think are concrete ways you can translate this back to your Duke experience?
At Duke and in life post-duke (though the life after circle includes seven incredible women from my time at Duke), I found that surrounding myself with strong, funny, smart, supportive female friends was key to my confidence (and bouncing back when your confidence waned). I think such an integral part of successful feminism and of being a successful, confident feminist is community. We build ourselves from the inside, but we also need to realize that sometimes you need somebody to build you up a bit, too. Look forward to your thoughts!
Kate
Hi Kate,
Thank you so much for reading my post and commenting. Duke is definitely a pressure cooker–unnecessarily so most of the time. I feel like at Duke I never get rewarded for my efforts and that people who do less work than me and definitely care less about what they’re learning in the classroom get further than me. Sometimes I feel like Duke is the place that meritocracy goes to die. So it’s nice to be in NY where when I work hard, it goes appreciated. It’s nice to see the fruits of my labor. By the way, I’m not trying to make Duke sound like a horrible place.
As to your second point, when Ada read my reflection, she told me to come to the Women’s Center and just…be. And that’s exactly what I plan to do next year. I’m going to use the Women’s Center and the people there as a place of refuge.
India, I am so happy to hear that you have gained this newfound confidence in the city. I feel the same way, sometimes it is easy to get down on yourself at Duke, which our peers definitely contribute to. I’m gonna give you a quote from ‘The Help:’ “you is kind, you is smart, you is important,” which I really think is true.
Your charm, intelligence, and confidence will take you far in life 🙂
So glad I got to get to know you these past 8 weeks!!