Interview by Rafae Alam, Trinity ’19 and Sofia Zymnis, Trinity ’21
Before moving back to his birth country of Syria in his adolescence, Mahmoud had grown up in many countries across Asia and Europe, including Armenia, Turkey, Qatar, Iran, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, and France. After finishing high school, he studied nursing while working to create arts and theater groups that allowed young people to contribute to the creation of their own unique culture. After the fighting intensified in Aleppo, Mahmoud initially opted to stay in the city to work as a nurse despite the fact that most of his family left. However, after experiencing numerous tragedies, he ultimately decided to leave. Today, he resides in Germany, and although he can’t completely forget the trauma of what he experienced in Aleppo, he is hopeful for the future and is determined to help bring happiness to those affected by all forms of tragedy. (above: view of Aleppo in 1919)
Listen to Mahmoud’s story:
https://soundcloud.com/nancy-kalow/m-interview
Transcript:
“And that’s what’s happening now in Syria, and in Syria, the people who lose, like people as me, just searching for the life, who is searching to be just a human, nothing else.
The people just only who didn’t have food to go to fight for Al-Assad to give them money. And the people, they go to the opposition because the opposition give money, they fight for it, just to feed their kids. You go to kill yourself to feed your kids. This is the only way to get money during this war. This is what happening, actually. The media focuses on so many pictures to make you feel bad and to make you feel sad, but not focus about the reality, and in the reality.
The war that came to Syria, I don’t call it a revolution, because the media show to you as a revolution, but actually it was a revolution for 6 months. The revolution is to fix the problem. To grow with your country, not to destroy it down.
And somehow, I just decided to stay. It was — my father looked at me, and he said, “are you sure”? And I said, “trust me, believe in me, and I’m sure.” My family left, but my sister stayed. It was 25th of December when my father called me, and he said, “go bring your sister and have Christmas dinner with her.” I called her on the phone, jumped from the car, my phone was in my hand. My sister was on the balcony, and I told her “come down.” She just, like, picked up the phone, turned her face around to directly bomb like in the same place where she stayed, in front of my eyes. I just remember one thing after that, my breath when I say (breaths in) and it was the second one in front of me, second bomb. I get hurt from my stomach.
Everything was inside my stomach, being outside. The last word I remember, it was, because I’m a nurse, “help her she’s dying.” Bring me to the hospital, coma for 20 days. But it wasn’t destroyed my dream about still alive and carry on in my life. I was telling myself one sentence all the time like in my mind: “I’m not survivor, I’m a warrior.” And the warrior, they got hurt, they lose sometimes, but they not give up. But it was a tough situation. You cannot imagine.
But, if we are as refugees, we left the war, the war didn’t leave us. Like, it’s here (points to head). Wherever, like the most bad day for me was the New Year because they use fireworks, and when they use it, it was super scary for me.
It’s like, I felt like I’m in the war — they attack me. I know I’m in Germany. I know, it’s like in my brain, I’m in Germany. I know I’m safe between all my friends. I know I’m in safe place. Nothing gonna happen, just fireworks. But the sound just move you with everything like, this body here, but you are in different part. Just move you like this, to put you in this situation. To be shaking, to be crying, to be scared because you feel, “I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die.” My friends, they were, like, sitting in front of me: “Hey, you are here, you are in Germany. Nothing’s gonna happen to you.” I can hear them. I understand them, I understand what they said to me, but my feeling shaking because my soul is outside. My soul is still there. But still I have this hope inside me to build again the happiness because we need someone to build, but we need someone to give — build emotion again.”
