Her sudden departure became my greatest heartbreak: I cried relentlessly for months, unable to regain any sense of normalcy. It was only after a few months that I found the courage to shift my perspective, attributing the reasons for her blocking me to external factors like timing and luck, rather than solely blaming myself. With this realization, I gradually eased my pain of loss, and eventually returned to my normal life. From this experience, I’ve gained to understand how deeply trauma can wound us, and just how significant emotional healing is.    

Loss is a complex and multifaceted concept, and its meaning varies depending on the context in which it is experienced. For some people, “losing something” can simply be understood as the loss of items like water bottles, keys, or other material possessions. But for others, loss can represent more profound meanings of grief, such as the departure of loved ones, the suffering that comes with severe diseases, or the calamities of accidents and disasters. 

I intend to explore the most challenging types of loss and their impact on psychological well-being, analyzed through three key psychological motivation theories. These motivation theories, when combined with other theories of well-being, such as Emotional Regulation Therapy (ERT), which seeks to assist individuals to recognize, comprehend, and regulate their emotions, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), a mindfulness based program that uses meditation to relieve suffering, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps participants sort out the causes of their sorrow, those who’ve experienced loss could find the courage to confront their feelings of despair and pain, and ultimately move on from the trauma. By integrating these approaches, I believe there are three key strategies for managing and coping with grief: accepting loss and allowing oneself to have emotional reactions, practicing living in the present and looking forward, rather than dwelling on the past, and accurately identifying and attributing the root causes of loss. 

Acknowledging one’s feelings and allowing oneself to experience emotional fluctuations could be essential in managing loss, as it provides individuals with the space they need to heal and encourages them to find the internal drive to keep on working and developing. This process could not only foster stronger resilience but also enable individuals to handle their feelings in a healthy way. When experiencing trauma, some individuals may perceive the process of grieving as time-consuming or even unwanted. However, healing is significant for recovery; without it, the pain of loss may continue to affect them.  

To this end, Adrian Wells and Geraldine Thompson, both psychology professors at Manchester University, developed Emotion Regulation Therapy (ERT) in the 1990s. In real-world practice, ERT assists participants in finding internal motivation by helping them acknowledge and process their emotions through techniques such as mindfulness, cognitive reappraisal, and expressive writing. These strategies empower individuals to navigate loss, build emotional resilience, and embrace personal growth. Megan E. Renna (2017), a professor at Hunter College studying human emotions, explored the effects of ERT on adults with both depression and anxiety, and the open trial of this study revealed substantial improvement in depression symptoms. The study found significant improvements in depression symptoms, with moderate to large effects, even for those with coexisting anxiety disorders. Based on these results, the team concluded that there was strong evidence for the effectiveness of ERT for depression. These patient’s gradual recoveries from depression and anxiety highlighted that the initial pain one felt during loss was not a sign of weakness, but a necessary stage of the healing process.  

By recognizing their emotions, individuals were able to get over their grief and work toward recovery. This process of identifying motivation through self-acceptance, facilitated by ERT, is in concordance with the concept of intrinsic motivation postulated by Self-Determination Theory (SDT), where one is more prone to engage in activities for the intrinsic reward. In terms of loss, individuals with internal motivation are substantially more likely to focus their energy on healing for their own well-being and personal development. This, in turn, helps individuals build up perseverance and enhances their ability to control their emotions.  

The loss of a child may be one of the most devastating kinds of suffering – and the ability to recover from it and live with it one of the greatest examples of human resilience. Shelly Schupbach’s journey through loss exemplifies the power of this mindset (Adams, 2014). When Shupbach lost her five-month-old son, Nash Schupbach, to positional asphyxia, she was heartbroken and overwhelmed by grief. Rather than suppressing her emotions, she allowed herself to fully experience the despair and pain of her loss. She recalled, “I came home, got into bed, and decided I was going to stay in bed forever” (pp. 9). However, after processing her grief, Shupbach was able to let go of her son, as she described, “I sang his favorite song to him and told him that it was okay to go, and that it would make us happy if he went to heaven” (pp. 5). Following this, she chose to honor Nash by performing good deeds in his memory. In coping with her loss, Shupbach regained her optimism and pursued personal development by helping others, which was a powerful manifestation of her intrinsic motivation to recover and find a new sense of direction.