Trigger Warning: This blog has mentions of sexual violence that may be difficult or uncomfortable for some readers. Please engage in self-care as you read this post if needed.
Surreal. If I had to choose one word to sum up my 3+ weeks in Korea, it would be “surreal.” Navigating through the subway that is often astir, passing by stands with a delectable range of foods, visiting clothing shops where “FREE” is printed on many of the tags, and pushing myself to use a language other than my own are things I’ve never experienced in the many places I’ve gotten to live. I’ve dreamt of visiting Korea for a long time, and now that I’m here, it still feels like a dream. Unlike dreams, however, I’ve been able to find a calming sense of consistency in my weekly routine.
Going to Jiguchon, Monday through Friday, greeting the kids and teachers with a smile and a slight bow, and having them warmly returned continues to be a highlight of my time in Korea. This week, we worked with an eager and studious group of 3rd and 4th graders. Thinking I wouldn’t have the opportunity to interact with the 1st and 2nd graders whose contagious laughter and joy I had gotten used to over the previous week, I was saddened to begin anew. However, the beauty of Jiguchon— in which students of all ages are in one building, merely separated by a flight of stairs, and are allowed to mingle during break and lunch— allowed me to see the students I had grown so attached to during our relatively short time at Jiguchon.
One of the more challenging things I had to overcome this week with the 3rd and 4th graders was the language barrier. Chinese was the primary language for all of the students in our classroom, and although I took two years of Chinese in high school, I realized I had forgotten most of it. Because I couldn’t speak the language our students were most comfortable with, it was hard to connect with them more personally in the way that I had hoped. However, this compelled me to gather a basketful of useful words and phrases that Chinese-speaking members of our program cohort used during our class so that I could encourage and praise students for their diligence. It was refreshing to see how much the 3rd and 4th graders enjoyed creating art, whether it was drawing their own characters or crafting an airplane out of carefully cut paper.
On a less joyful note, feelings of frustration overwhelmed me during Thursday’s reflection. Seemingly to have built up the courage to comment on last Saturday’s incident, I raised my hand in preparation to share my thoughts. One word, two words, three words, four words. That was all I could manage to get out before I felt all that I had suppressed come rushing from my eyes. Over the past week, I had received emails upon emails about resources for sexual assault victims and a mountain of calls from strangers asking about the incident. I felt sensitive, weak, guilty, and embarrassed, but I think most of all, I felt frustrated— frustrated that I couldn’t talk about something that I felt I’d gotten over the initial shock of and frustrated that I couldn’t keep it together in front of my peers and program directors. Despite not being able to communicate how I felt at that moment, I was beyond grateful for everyone who did speak up and those who checked in with me afterward, and for the continued support of our program directors.
Although I just want to get over what happened and move on, I realize that I need to give myself grace and be patient. It will probably take some time to fully come to terms with what happened, but I know one day I will. I don’t want this unfortunate event to prevent me from experiencing all that Korea has to offer nor hinder my ability to engage with our program partners and work towards fulfilling our program goals. I look forward to what the rest of my time in Korea has in store and I can’t wait to meet the 5th and 6th graders next week!
~ Riana Coffman
