It’s been about a week and a half since I departed from South Korea and I can’t help but make comparisons between my home country and the one I spent the summer in. It seems like the city of Seoul has followed me back to New York. Yet when people ask me how my experience was, I find myself at a loss for words, unable to recall the sheer amount of activities we took part in or adequately describe what my time in Korea was actually like; it feels like my brain is gatekeeping those memories, reserving them exclusively for me to relive.
Our time in Jeju, though short-lived, was honestly the most impactful and memorable part of the entire trip. Although it wasn’t as fun or exciting considering the topics and places we were engaging with, I took a lot of ideas away from the experience, as well as knowledge that I am determined to pass onto others should the topic of the war ever arise. I explored places I would never have known about on my own, talked to people I never would have met, and learned things I never would have learned if not for this program. One moment that I will never forget is when we were walking around the April 13 massacre sites. The silence save for the sounds of wind rustling through the overgrown vegetation, the isolated location, and the massive scale of the site rendered me speechless. I drank in the hauntingly beautiful view with a heavy heart and a twisted sense of fascination. The emotions running through me in those moments will never be understood by those who weren’t actually there, but are things that I wish I could share. I’m so grateful that my previous ignorance on the Jeju uprisings and war atrocities has been somewhat dispelled thanks to our itinerary on the island.
I can’t exactly put a label on all the feelings and thoughts I had by the end of the program. Even now I feel like there’s a certain numbness that is lingering, reminding me of all the time and energy I gave to such a larger than life experience. I made so many meaningful connections in these two months, with my students, with my peers, and with myself, connections that were so quickly severed but still manage to persist beyond physical limitation. There are names I’ve learned that I will never forget and emotions that, although they will dull over time, will forever remain. It feels like there’s now a thin invisible string tying me to the peninsula, a little voice in my head calling for me to go back. I know I will eventually return some day; everything will be different and people will be older, but the rush of emotions will surely be the same.
I feel like I haven’t said anything concrete in this blog post, but I don’t think there is a concrete way of capturing the incredible impact this program had on me. All in all, I cannot express enough how thankful I am to have been a part of this experience. I hope this program continues to grow and flourish, and keep making an impact for years to come.
Thank you to Professor Kim, Professor Kwon, and my DukeEngage crew for an unforgettable experience!
~ Jeanie Jia
