Comment on Draft 1

Abigail,

Overall, I think that this is a well written essay. You are concise and ultimately describe the events of the Allen Building Takeover and at the same time also show the underlying problems that Duke University had. I think that your research was done well, especially the events from years later. I like the article you chose about the Allen building sit in in 1997; it really shows the repercussions the Allen Building has even today. 

A couple problems I saw was your grammar and a a mistake on one of the captions of your pictures. It says 1884 on one of them when I believe it is supposed to be 1994, if I’m correct. While this is easy to fix, you also have a few filler words that would probably make your essay more effective persuasively. Also, there are times where I felt the essay got a tad repetitive such as the line where they hadn’t made any progress on the matter in 2 and half years. I think it was said 3 times. At least for me I thought it’d be more persuasive to delve into more facts about the reasons for the Allen Building. But overall, nice job. 

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