The Season of Harvest

Share

The following post was written by Rev. Ed Moore.

My nephew Ned became an Eagle Scout toward the end of summer, and most of the family gathered in a United Methodist Church in Pennsylvania to witness the award, support Ned and, of course, celebrate. Though Ned didn’t expect a gift, I presented him with a family artifact I’d curated for many years: the Lou Stanley Memorial Compass.

Lou Stanley was a classic West Virginian who lived near our home when I was growing up and occasionally worked for my father. Right out of central casting, Lou rolled his own smokes, wore a Freddy Krueger hat years before anyone heard of Freddy, drove a ’37 Chevy pickup (“Put a ’39 rear end in it,” he once allowed), confessed to having run moonshine “back in the 30”s,” dealt in guns to earn some extra income, was hygienically indifferent, and spoke what even then was a vanishing Appalachian dialect. But Lou was a kindly soul, and one day presented me with a U.S. Army Corps of compassEngineers compass dating from World War I. Solid brass it was, with a thick lens, engravings attesting to its provenance, and a beautifully etched dial that spun freely – when unlocked – and unfailingly pointed true north. I kept that compass safe and secure for years, long after Lou had driven the ’37 up to the pearly gates and flicked some home rolled ashes at St. Peter’s kiosk (Peter probably let him pass after exacting a promise he’d dunk himself seven times in the river of the water of life).

Who better, I reasoned, to curate the Stanley Compass for the next few decades than Ned, an Eagle Scout, and rising millennial Moore? So now the artifact belongs to him, and it has fallen to my brother Will, his dad, to convey the oral tradition of Lou Stanley in all its colorful, multisensory, detail. This will require many evenings by the fireside and, for Ned, an expanded appreciation for the Appalachian Mythical Tradition. I’ve no doubt Ned and Will are both up to the challenge.

I confess to some mixed feelings as I parted with the compass: I had come to think of it as my own, a piece of property belonging to me. But then I remembered that my life this side of the vale is impermanent and that, like Aaron’s staff (see Numbers 17), the Stanley Compass had the power to reinforce critical, tribal memories. Ned will understand his dad, three uncles, and his own West Virginia lineage better after Will answers the question, “Father, why is this compass different from all other compasses?” Each time Ned watches its dial spin to true north, he’ll recall whence he came.

Serving in what United Methodists call Extension Ministry (more tribal stuff, different tribe) for the past six years has honed my understanding of this important aspect of The Calling: the privilege of sharing what’s been learned in the journey. My spiritual attic is filled with things analogous to the Stanley Memorial Compass, many of them stored away as sacred reminders of lessons hard – or joyfully – learned in the thirty-five years since I was ordained Elder. It has been a privilege to sort through these as I’ve worked with the Clergy Health Initiative at Duke, dusting off the more significant among them and bequeathing them to pastors with whom I’ve served these last six years.

If we think of life’s journey as a succession of seasons, then retirement might be the season of harvest, when we take stock of what we’ve stored up across the years, sort out the more grace-ful artifacts, then give them away. We won’t have lost them – I can still recite the Lou Stanley narrative easily – but will have, in the act of giving, enriched the recipients’ lives by trusting them to curate the gifts. Isn’t this what we experienced years ago in baptism? In ordination or licensing by the church? Every time we stood behind a pulpit or the Lord’s Table? As we were trusted, so now we trust others . . . just as Mary Magdalene, entrusted with seeing the risen Lord, gave away that Good News as soon as she could. That’s church, thanks be to God.

045410_moore_howard_hirez

Rev. Moore is the Director of Educational Programs for the Clergy Health Initiative and an ordained elder in the Baltimore-Washington Conference of the United Methodist Church.

 

A Time for Renewal, Part III

Share

This is the third in a special series on renewal leave by guest blogger Rev. Dianne Lawhorn.  Read the first and second installments.

***********************

Guidelines for selecting helping professionals during a renewal leave:

Spiritual Direction– This form of support is helpful if your need is to work on your relationship with God. If you are feeling the desire for a more rich spiritual experience, a spiritual director can provide guidance in developing practices that will help you connect with God at a deeper level. A spiritual director can also help you to notice where God is at work in your life and discern what response might be called for. A Spiritual Director can provide a prayerful, companioning presence for this time in your life.

Counseling– This form of support is helpful if your need is for healing. If you recognize disappointment, disillusionment, or despair in your life, a counselor can help. Counseling is useful in uncovering what’s going on with you emotionally so that you might seek the healing you need. A counselor can also help you cope with situations and relationships that are causing you discomfort, allowing you to recognize and honor what you are feeling.

Coaching- This form of support is helpful if your need is to make an assessment of your current situation and to develop a plan of action for moving forward. Coaches can help you assess your strengths, growth edges, and vital needs. They can help you discover new possibilities for creating the life that you want. They are equipped to assist you with your plan for development and can provide accountability as you move forward.

A final step might be to think about how you want to continue in ministry. It would be good to think about what aspects of this leave time you can incorporate into your regular life. Deciding what rhythms you will keep from this valuable time away will be essential to sustaining the renewal you’ve experienced. It is important to think about how you are going to create space in your life to nurture that which contributes to your health and well-being.

Hopefully, your renewal leave will uncover some areas where you would like to pursue a greater degree of health. It’s important to remember that in order for us to become healthier, we must embrace a new way of being and a new way of doing ministry that small groupis life-giving to us. We must then walk forward into this new way, having been equipped with tools for a better way of doing life and ministry.

We all need accountability to make change a reality in our lives. Maybe it’s time to think about how you can create that accountability for yourself. Do you need to connect with a spiritual friend or ministry colleague on a regular basis to help you implement this new way of life? Perhaps you could create a support group of others who join together in sustaining this important life change?  Hopefully, this support will sustain you for years to come, making life-long transformational ministry a reality!

Dianne

Dianne Lawhorn is the Minister of Spiritual Formation for the Lydia Group which is a resource for spiritual wholeness offering formational teaching, retreat leadership, and spiritual direction.

A Time for Renewal, Part II

Share

This is the second in a special series on taking renewal leave by guest blogger Rev. Dianne Lawhorn.  Read the first installment here.

*******************

A renewal leave is an ideal time for you to develop rhythms that can be incorporated into your life when you return to work. You may never again have this opportunity to “try on” a new rhythm and see how it works for you. The rhythm I sought to embrace was to: eat healthy foods, exercise, get plenty of sleep, take a Sabbath, and have some fun! By doing these things over a short-term period, I was able to conceive of how this rhythm could become a reality over the long-term as well.

You might try incorporating a particular time every day where you can connect with God through a favorite spiritual practice. On my leave, my husband and I worked through the book The Cup of our Life by Joyce Rupp. This guide tea and booknot only provided readings but also included practices for prayer, reflection, scripture reading, journaling, and a commitment for each day. We found the use of this guide to be a great resource to us individually and as a couple!

A renewal leave is a wonderful time to reflect on your ministry journey. A book that I found very helpful in my reflection was Leading on Empty by Wayne Corderio. This book helped me better understand the challenges of life-long ministry and the effects it can have on our bodies, minds, and spirits. It also helped me learn how to navigate these challenges with greater ease.

A renewal leave is a great time to reflect on your personal life.  It’s a good idea to consider if the life you are living is the life you want to live. It’s a time for you to think about what changes might help you to more fully live into the desires you have for your life.

These questions may contribute to your reflection:

Where am I now?

What do I really want?

What is my next right step?

What is life-giving to me, helping me to give and receive love?

What is life-draining to me, hindering me from giving and receiving love?

 In this reflection, you may find needs that you don’t know how to provide for on your own. We all need help from time to time in processing what is going on with us at a deeper level. A book that I used to assist me in this discovery was Release by Flora Wuellner.

Renewal time is an opportunity to consider if you want to make use of a helping professional such as a spiritual director, counselor, or a coach. In the next article, I’ll provide some guidelines for selecting which resource you need at this point in your journey. You may even elect to participate in The Davidson Clergy Program, an excellent resource to build your resilience!  

Dianne

Dianne Lawhorn is the Minister of Spiritual Formation for the Lydia Group which is a resource for spiritual wholeness offering formational teaching, retreat leadership, and spiritual direction.

 

 

Image by Flickr user ienjoysushi via CC

A Time for Renewal, Part I

Share

This is the first in a special series on taking renewal leave by guest blogger Rev. Dianne Lawhorn.

***************************

Often in our ministry, after years of service, we find ourselves in need of being recharged. Current statistics say that most of us will experience fall at Starretteministry fatigue at some point in our journey. We shouldn’t feel guilty about taking the time we need because all of us will need a break eventually. Recognizing the need for a break is actually a sign of health. Taking a break allows us to be renewed for the journey.

Thankfully, the Methodist Book of Discipline recognizes the need for this time and provides for it in the form of a renewal leave.  I took this time of renewal back in 2012 and found that it gave me a renewed sense of vitality and purpose in ministry. I needed some guidance, however, in order to discern how to structure the time of my leave so that I could receive the greatest benefits from it.   I wondered if you might find yourself in this place and might like some tips for shaping this time.

A renewal leave is a time where we really need to give ourselves a break! For most of us, our tendency to over-schedule and over-commit has led us to the need of a break in the first place.  So, we don’t want to bring this pattern into our leave time. For this reason, I devoted the first and last part of my own leave to rest. It was great for me to spend that time simply being still, with stillness as my only task or accomplishment for those days.

A renewal leave is the perfect time for you to get out of your environment, especially if you live in a parsonage. You might go to a place that you have enjoyed before, where you can connect with God and with yourself. You might want to spend a few days in the mountains, at the beach, or at a local retreat center, where you can spend some time alone in a peaceful environment that nurtures your soul.

If you are married, this is also a great time for you to connect with your spouse. During my renewal leave, my husband also took time away from his job so that he could share in my experience. We felt grateful to have that unstructured time together as a couple in a place that we both love!

This could also be a time to connect with family and friends. Maybe you could go to see a family member or friend that you would like to connect with whom you haven’t seen in years. Shared experiences with people who are important to us can certainly contribute to our well-being, which should be a goal of our renewal time. Sharing this experience with others can truly give us strength for our journey.

In next week’s post, I’ll offer some reflection activities and questions that might be helpful to consider for your renewal leave.

Dianne

Dianne Lawhorn is the Minister of Spiritual Formation for the Lydia Group which is a resource for spiritual wholeness offering formational teaching, retreat leadership, and spiritual direction.

 

 

Click to read Part II and Part III.

Healthy Boundaries

Share

“A boundary for a ministry leader or a pastor is like a property line around your yard; only rope boundaryin this case, that yard is your soul. Healthy boundaries make for healthy souls. Unhealthy boundaries make for unhealthy souls.”  So says Charles Stone of Stonewall Ministries, who published a great blog post about why it’s hard for pastors to set healthy boundaries, and he offers a few solutions.

  • First, he says, pastors are called to help people, and this takes an infinite amount of time. Solution: Remember that Jesus did not heal every person he came into contact with, and there are many examples in the Bible where he goes off to be alone.
  • Second, our 24/7 culture makes it hard for anyone to disconnect. Solution: Agree that after 6pm, you will not answer any work-related emails. Also, when you are read for sleep, place the phone on the other side of the room rather than next to your bed.
  • Third, we are wired to be social and to please others (therefore, it’s hard to tell someone, “no”). Solution: Just know that it’s normal to feel uncomfortable or awkward when you enforce one of your boundaries. Give it an hour, and the discomfort will fade.
  • Fourth, humans (maybe caregivers in particular) desire to feel needed, to feel that we are doing “good.” You can literally become addicted to affirmation and accomplishment. Solution: Ask yourself if you can truly take time away from helping others (for example, on your day off).

If you struggle with that last question, and for anyone who is interested in reading more about setting boundaries, Rev. Stone recommends these 2 books by Henry Cloud: Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life and Boundaries for Leaders.

MeQuilibrium, the online stress program Spirited Life introduced to pastors, offers these tips for setting healthy work/life boundaries:

  • Rethink the structure of your day. Instead of looking at your schedule as “before lunch” and “after lunch” or “at work” and “at home,” consider 1 ½- or 2- hour chunks. Then, take a 15-minute break before switching to the next “chunk” of work.
  • Move around. When you are taking a break from work, try to be active, even if it’s just standing up and stretching.
  • Reserve night time for yourself and your family. Select a cutoff time in the evening for checking email and stick to it.

What are your techniques for setting and adhering to healthy boundaries?

-Katie Huffman

Post inspired by: 4 Obstacles Pastors Face in Setting Boundaries and Why you Need to Separate Work and Leisure

Image by Lumix G user Larterman, via CC

Mother’s Day Liturgy

Share

A tradition starting in the early 1900s, Mother’s Day has long been viewed as a commercial Mother's Dayholiday (Hallmark began selling cards to mark the occasion in the 1920s) —  just another way for companies to sell more chocolates and flowers.

Commercialization aside, the “second Sunday in May” continues to play an important role in American culture and churches.  And it can really be a very meaningful day for families, friends, and communities to honor the special women in their lives.  Many churches choose to celebrate Mother’s Day in some form: from pinning corsages to prayers to standing ovations, there are a variety of ways that women can be honored.

A few years ago, Amy Young author of the blog, The Messy Middle, penned a post called “An open letter to pastors (A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day).  Because so much conversation was generated by her original post, Amy has written several follow-up essays on Mother’s Day in the church: 10 ideas for pastors on Mother’s Day and Beyond the surface of mothering.

In her posts, while in full support of recognizing Mother’s Day at church, Amy offers some tips for celebrating the occasion in an all-inclusive way and provides liturgy that can be used during a worship service.  For example, she encourages pastors to “acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering” and to recognize that for some women, the holiday can be a somber occasion, marking the loss of a child or mother, infertility issues, or difficult relationships.

Amy created a Mother’s Day Prayer, a few Sunday School lesson ideas, and a beautiful blessing (based on many Biblical women), all of which speak to the notion that “Mother’s Day can have complexities and nuances far beyond the binary approach to motherhood.”

tulips

 

May these Mother’s Day resources bless you and the women in your life!

 

 

 -Katie Huffman

First image by Frank Mayne, via Wikimedia Commons; second image by Flickr user Liz West, via CC.

Wellness Resources for Congregations

Share

Though Spirited Life has focused primarily on the health of individual pastors, we have heard some inspiring stories about wellness initiatives popping up in health fairmany UMC congregations across the state.  Some that come to mind are: blood pressure screenings after Sunday worship services, walking and running clubs, weekly centering prayer gatherings, support groups for dieters, community health fairs, and church-wide efforts to make communal meals healthier.

For pastors and congregations wanting to implement health programming or to develop a health ministry at their church, here are 3 great resources:

Partners in Health & Wholeness, an initiative of the NC Council of Churches: “provides people of faith with the tools necessary to lead healthier, more fulfilling lives” through:

Church Health Reader, an offering of the Church Health Center: “produces innovative resources on health and healing for lay leaders and clergy.” Some resources include:

 Eat Smart, Move More NC: “a statewide movement that promotes increased opportunities for healthy eating and physical activity wherever people live, learn, earn, play and pray.”  Examples include:

We hope you’ll let us know what your church is doing to promote wellness among your congregants and in your community!

-Katie Huffman

Photo by Flickr user Greater Louisville Medical Society, via CC

Supporting your pastor

Share

8943594714_ae8f9a8656_bIn Spirited Life and on this blog, we typically offer up ways that pastors can take charge of their health and implement new habits in their lives to support their own wellness.  We realized that most of us Spirited Life staff and many of our blog readers are lay people.  What can WE do as parishioners, lay leaders, committee members to help promote the health and well-being of the pastors at our own churches?  Here are some ideas our team generated.

  • Ask pastors about their hobbies and interests and support them in doing those activities.
  • Encourage them to take ALL of their vacation and volunteer to help with tasks in their absence.
  • Offer ‘spaces away’ for pastors to go for time of rest and renewal or uninterrupted work.
  • Limit ‘dropping in’ on pastors, realizing that talking to them for ‘just a minute’ likely will end up as a 15 minute conversation and distract them from other tasks.
  • Affirm and encourage your pastor by giving specific feedback on a sermon or Bible study you enjoyed; mention an occasion where you acted on something she preached or prayed.
  • 5445646178_f8e9522b4c_bWhen it comes to gift giving, think outside of the pound cake.  Here are some alternatives: gift cards for massage therapy, candles, new books, houseplants, hobby-related items.
  • Agree to a walking meeting or suggest an alternative meeting location such as a local park or picnic area.
  • Generate energy around health and well being among your congregation and community: organize a church walking/running group, health fair, or health-related discussion series.
  • Meet with church leadership and discuss what current ministries could be led by lay people instead of clergy.
  • Respect your pastor’s day off and Sabbath time by not calling or scheduling meetings on those days.
  • Encourage your church to observe pastor appreciation month in October each year.

What are other ways that churches can support their pastors’ holistic health?

-Katie Huffman

Images by flickr users NCinDC and hellojenuine, via creative commons.

Homegrown: NC Women’s Preaching Festival

Share

In an article on sustaining pastoral excellence, the Rev. Sally Brower, a pastor in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America, writes:

“For women clergy, sustaining pastoral excellence is not only about spiritual practices and leadership skills. It is also about retaining gifted women pastors for whom ministry is all too often an ordeal of grace under fire.”

As a young female member of my church, my heart warms at the sound of a feminine voice resounding from our pulpit. Hearing the gospel articulated by a woman has a refreshing sense of strength and courage.

Women are not new to ministry — witness Mary, the Mother of our Lord, and her cousin Elizabeth. However, women are relatively new to the world of formal preaching and inclusion in denominational leadership roles, and this still-recent cultural shift can create unique challenges for female pastors.

img_2104 A pregnant minister once told me that the number one question she is asked is, “Are you going to keep preaching?” “Yes, Lord willing,” she frequently replies. It is not a harmful question or an unexpected one, but I don’t believe that male pastors get asked the same question when their wives give birth or when they adopt a child.

On top of the biases that color others’ view of women in ministry are the questions that female pastors often ask themselves (ones that are equally reflective of our cultural expectations): How will I pay for childcare on a pastor’s salary? Make time to cook dinner and clean my house when I’m on call 24/7? Make visits to the hospital with a nursing baby? How do I come across as nurturing but not too soft? How can I be feminine without being hyper-emotional? How can I, as a woman, be unique — but not too different from men?

Do you find yourself longing to be in the company of other female ministers? Worshiping with one another is a way of sustaining one’s ministry and diving into these questions.

Join us at Homegrown: North Carolina’s Women’s Preaching Festival this fall, October 10 and 11 in Durham, N.C. to receive the word from and worship with other female clergy and explore all that women have to offer the church.

–Kelli Sittser

The Healing Power of Nostalgia

Share

An article in the New York Times this week highlights the positive impacts that nostalgia can have on a person psychologically.  It turns out that historically, nostalgia was seen in a negative light–“living in the past” and looking back with rose-colored glasses.  New research, however, shows that fondly recalling things that have happened can enrich our lives, as long as we don’t fall into the trap of comparing the present to the past.  The article explains,

Nostalgia has been shown to counteract loneliness, boredom and anxiety. It makes people more generous to strangers and more tolerant of outsiders. Couples feel closer and look happier when they’re sharing nostalgic memories. On cold days, or in cold rooms, people use nostalgia to literally feel warmer… Nostalgia does have its painful side — it’s a bittersweet emotion — but the net effect is to make life seem more meaningful and death less frightening. When people speak wistfully of the past, they typically become more optimistic and inspired about the future.

The article was brought to my attention by a pastor who shared it on our facebook page, saying, “This is good news for all of us who itinerate.” In this season of unpacking boxes and inevitably pausing to think about what has been left behind in a move, it is encouraging to know that these thoughts can be helpful–can anchor us amid life’s unpredictability.  One nostalgia researcher, Dr. Constantine Sedikides, says, “Nostalgia made me feel that my life had roots and continuity. It made me feel good about myself and my relationships. It provided a texture to my life and gave me strength to move forward.” Another researcher, Dr. Erica Hepper, says, “Nostalgia helps us deal with transitions.”

3152274529_01b6a5d4a3_z

If you’ve moved recently or are facing another transition, what helps you feel rooted?  What do you take with you move after move, and what gets left behind?  If you have a story about nostalgia, we’d love to hear from you in the comments.  And for all those who have moved, we pray for smooth new beginnings.

–Caren Swanson

Image by flickr user CliffMueller via Creative Commons

Also by Caren Swanson: To Love a Place