Before I started Moxie I was very “low-key” about how I felt about certain topics. I would never willingly divulge anything to just about anyone about most topics i.e. anything. I never understood why. As I grew, learned, listened, and contemplated during this summer, I realized it was because I thought I wasn’t political enough and I didn’t know enough.
At our first seminar this idea came up, but it wasn’t me who was saying it–back to my low-key stature. I agreed with the idea that I never wanted to be wrong or have my own beliefs challenged because in what world is anyone comfortable with being wrong? It was then that I realized I was being silenced before I could even use my voice.
So many times, I’ve wanted to click the “share” button on Facebook, but I knew how many people would be upset with my thoughts. So many times, I wanted to comment and say “that’s not right,” but I knew an argument would definitely happen. For so long I’d been holding my tongue, my clicks, my shares, out of fear of the world. If you asked me three months ago to share something political on my Facebook feed, yeah, it would have had to be a “no” from me, but as I have grown and seen that no matter what I’m not always right, I’ve started to be bolder. In my town, my thoughts are seen as “radical.” Oh well someone has to say it. Why not me?
Being home is WILD. I have literally begun to see how problematic everything is. When I got home this man asked my father to speak to ME. He then proceeded to tell me I thought I was too good for everyone here. I was SHOOK. One, this 2018, I will talk to whoever I want and be going to my dad won’t help your case. Two, if I don’t want you in my space you won’t be in it. Three, I OWE YOU NOTHING. Over the summer we spoke so much about how the blame of the world is given to women, but nothing is placed on the male perpetrator. I didn’t start viewing my home world in this light until I came home. “Men” feel so entitled to discuss what you are, what you will do, and what you won’t do because I know they still see women as a “property.” It’s about time men learned that women aren’t your property. You won’t tell me what I will do and you have no control over what I do to my body. Wow. It’s so “funny” seeing these things now. I think truly I’ve always seen them, but now I speak on them. I’m ready for the future because here goes nothing…
Through Moxie I’ve found my voice, my power, and everything in between. I don’t know what I’ll do when I get back to Duke, but I’m thinking about it. I want to thank Ada & Shannan for being the BEST supervisors out there. Y’all are such positive & great women! I’m so happy I got to spend this summer getting to know you and I can’t wait for the future. If you’re thinking about applying for Moxie DO IT! It will be a hard 8 weeks, but it will be worth everything to see how you grow and become different. I see the world differently. I see myself differently. I wonder what else will happen?