I’ve never been the loudest one in the group. My parents joke about the time my older brother went away to summer camp for the first time when I was 8 and they found out I could speak. In discussions with the Moxies, I sometimes feel like I just can’t get a word in. It’s not natural for me to speak without thinking through what I’m about to say, and in the time I take to pause, someone else is already speaking.

Whether it’s in a conversation with three people or a large discussion, I tend to take a back seat and listen. I can go 15 minutes in a conversation without realizing that I haven’t actually said anything. But it doesn’t feel that way to me. I’m hardly a passive participant. It doesn’t feel like I’m not contributing to the conversation because I am getting so much out of simply listening to others and internalizing. This is how I learn and process.

As a college student, you are constantly hearing that you need to find your passion. You should be passionate about what you study and you should be passionate about the work that you choose to go into. When half of the class comes into the first year pre-med and is dead set on their life plans (although of course this quickly changes for many), it’s difficult to be the one to admit that you don’t quite have it figured out yet. I’ve had people ask me what my passion is and I’m not quite sure how to answer. Once, I came up with the best answer I could think of at the time and have since been sticking with it. My passion is people.

What does that mean? Is that even a passion? When I say my passion is people, I mean I love listening to people. Getting to know a person is one of the most exciting and intriguing things to me. Everyone has a different story and perspective. I want to take note of the names they mention so I know who they are in a future story. I listen to the way they pronounce certain words that I’m not familiar with and learn what they mean. From each person I listen to, I am able to better understand others and myself. I am able to analyze, assess, and learn. If a person chooses to seek me out and asks me to listen to them, I value this and take it as an opportunity to grow.

I owe a lot of what I know about intersectionality to listening to my friends’ experiences. Coming from a predominantly white neighborhood, I was exposed to much more difference than I had ever been used to upon coming to Duke. I immediately befriended people of different ethnicities, backgrounds, religions, and financial statuses. I must admit, I didn’t quite understand how much of a post-racial society we don’t live in until I started hearing what my POC friends had to say. I’ve listened to quite a few rants about “white people” and am able to better understand how the intricacies of race play into everyday life.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people don’t take the time or put in the effort to pronounce words or names from different languages and/or cultures correctly. Because I have an American name, I don’t have to deal with people constantly mispronouncing my name, but a lot of friends at Duke deal with this on a daily basis. I have several friends who go by nicknames that they don’t particularly like but it’s just easier for people to pronounce. Others go by the “white” pronunciation of their name. This is so frustrating to me. In my experience, if you listen to the pronunciation of the name just a few times and say it to yourself, you will learn it! It’s not that difficult, and it makes all the difference for the person whose name you are no longer butchering.

Why is this relevant?

Because through listening to someone, you can understand their experience and change your actions. Because you have the power to be a more culturally aware and mindful person. Because you have the ability to learn and expose yourself to difference if you choose.

Listening is so important, but that’s just the beginning. What I listen to drives my actions and motivates me to be a conscientious person. This is critical in the advocacy work many of us are doing this summer, especially when the target population is so diverse. You cannot begin to understand someone else’s experience unless you pay attention and listen. Sometimes, even the smallest amount of effort can make a world’s difference.