I’m going to start this first blog post out by summarizing my DukeEngage experience so far in ten activities:
- Saw a Broadway show, Fun Home
- Walked 12 miles in 1 day
- Read through 100+ articles on domestic violence and intimate partner violence
- Went to Toys R Us (twice)
- Rode a subway by myself for the first time
- Visited a Women’s Reproductive Health Clinic (Choices) and met Merle Hoffman
- Went to the Museum of Sex (didn’t even know this existed!)
- Got Ice-cream/ Fro-yo from 4 different places
- Walked around Bryant Park
- Saw Laverne Cox
And we’ve only been here for less than two weeks…
While I am still in culture shock and in complete awe of the fact that I am in New York City and because of this I am often slowing down our pack of Moxies (sorry girls!) as we travel around, taking my time looking at everything and everyone I see, I have also grown more aware of my identity as a woman and have viewed many of my experiences through my ever-developing feminist lens.
I am going to begin with what you probably weren’t expecting me to write: I’ve had many encounters so far in the city that I initially thought to myself “hey, it’s not so bad being a woman!”
I open my wallet to pull out my credit card to pay for my Starbucks, searching frantically, I realize I left it in my other bag. Oh shit. And as I look up to apologize profusely to the cashier because she already rang up my order and sharpied up my cup for the drink, she nods to the guy behind me and says “he got it – don’t worry”. Wow. That was really nice. Would he have spotted me if I were a man? Don’t think so… On the Moxie scavenger hunt, we needed to take a picture in front of the Feminist Press, but the office was closed. Batting our lashes at the security guard, he let us into the building and guided us upstairs to our prized landmark and even took the picture for us (we really wanted to win). I kept thinking that if we were men and not cute, college girls would he have been so nice as to help us score those extra four scavenger hunt points? Probably not. And finally, I’d like to give a shout out to the random nice guy who was walking next to me and offered to help me carry my five whole foods shopping bags right before I wrote this blog. After each of these instances I thought: “hey, being a woman isn’t so bad!”
Although the simple, almost normalized gesture for a man to hold open a door for me is certainly very considerate and much appreciated, it is interesting to wonder where that act of consideration stems from. Why are women considered incapable of holding open a door? Why do men feel like they need to assist women with well, everything?
Yes, there are certainly “perks” from being considered the weaker sex – free coffee, help on a scavenger hunt, and a seat on the subway – but if these “perks” stem from an ideology in which men should control women and regard them as lesser, then are they really perks at all? Perhaps I shouldn’t be so cynical and just accept and appreciate these acts of kindness, but what if the motive for this unasked-for “kindness” stems from the very same reasoning that is preventing millions upon millions of women from being able to make decisions about their own reproductive choices? Why are primarily male-controlled legislatures creating laws that are prohibiting women from determining when or if they want to carry their children?
While being offered a seat on the subway or walking through an opened door may seem like petty examples of male dominance that are not worth lamenting over, as I have learned through both the Moxie seminars and working as an intern for the National Judicial Education Program at Legal Momentum, the male desire for power, control, and the objectification of women tragically manifests most clearly in domestic violence. In just my first week and a half interning, I have already spent hours pouring over materials discussing intimate partner violence, teen dating violence and domestic violence. I’m excited to continue to expand my knowledge on domestic violence and to advocate for battered women by writing materials about intimate partner violence for judges to read and hopefully apply in the courtroom.
I have never had such an amazingly packed week! I can’t wait to see what other experiences await us Moxies – who have become like my sisters in less than two weeks. So, in addition to all the enriching and exciting activities that will help me to sharpen and develop my feminist lens, I will end with just ten of the MANY things that I want to do before August and hopefully I can get to all of them:
- Visit the Statue of Liberty
- March in a Gay Pride Parade
- Wake up everyday at 7 am for my Barre class
- Try EVERY dish of ice cream at the Big Gay Ice Cream Parlor
- Walk around Central Park
- Be able to navigate the city (google-map free)
- Eat at the Hardrock Cafe
- Go to the top of the Empire State Building
- Ride on the Staten Island Ferry
- Meet a NJB haha 🙂
Thank you, Lauren, for exploring how seemingly small gestures of chivalry connect back to larger systems of privilege, power, and oppression! The question that really gets me is, if these small acts are so widely accepted as polite, how will they ever be recognized as symptoms of greater issues?
Oh my gosh, I remember talking to you about how those perks of being a female are awesome–we just don’t know if the reasons they’re considered perks are just as awesome. I hope I get to accomplish the things on your list with you though!
Lauren! Don’t feel bad about ‘slowing us down’ because I feel like we sometimes forget and get caught up in NYC life and forget to slow down and realize we are in NYC! We should stop and look around more often. Also I completely relate to that concept of enjoying the perks that come as being a women but at the same time trying to be a strong feminist and coming to term with what those ‘perks’ represent about society. BTW I will eat all the ice cream at the Big Gay Ice Cream shop with you…