Dani is a rising junior interning with Legal Momentum this summer.
Between DukeEngage Academy and today, I have been especially shaken by the mass shootings at UCSB, by a man who specifically targeted women to avenge them for not paying him sexual attention. Personally, this occurrence felt especially close to home, considering that two of the UCSB victims were members of Tri Delta, my sorority, and that the shooting occurred in one of my best friend’s neighborhoods. However, the sole bright spot has been the public’s reaction—I love the #YesAllWoman hashtag, which is meant to demonstrate to men the often not-so-obvious harassment all women face daily. This has made me even more proud of being a feminist.
But it’d be naïve to think that because the overwhelming majority of the public sphere supports #YesAllWomen, feminism is magically squeaky-clean. Even with public support of feminism from celebrities such as Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Lena Dunham, feminism is still a loaded and stigmatized term, and is seen as belittling by many men and women alike.
For example, I received the text pictured in this post from a girl friend earlier today (note: the text my friend received was from a boy—both of their names are blurred out). As you can see, I was with my grandparents when I got it, so I didn’t have time to write a response then and there—but it was initially something along the lines of “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” Especially after reading a lot about UCSB and gender issues in the past week, I was perplexed and angered that even one person out there didn’t see all of the good the feminist movement was promoting.
However, I thought back to when this girl friend told me earlier how she and a few other girls had “attacked” this same boy about his views on gender, 3-on-1, and how he resisted any of their points. I used that story in helping to construct my response to him. If I responded with my initial expletive-laced reaction to his statement, he would probably send back a similar expletive-laced statement to me. It was okay for me to feel angry, but I needed to be practical and know my audience if I was going to gain any ground with him. Using angry, strong language with him wouldn’t exactly invalidate my points, but it would set me at a disadvantage and decrease the maturity level of our conversation by a few degrees. In addition, this boy viewed feminists as aggressive, belligerent woman—although that stereotype is untrue, it would be unwise for me to take this approach to best communicate my point.
An hour or so later, once I left my grandparents’ house and got in the car, I was able to write a more composed response. I wrote a pithy message clarifying to him that feminism’s definition was simply believing in and advocating for men and women having equal rights and opportunities—that’s it. I then told him that therefore any “intellectually” sound woman should be a feminist.
#YesAllWomen have been told something along those lines from a guy before—denouncing, condemning, and even insulting feminism. That’s why one of my goals this summer is to continue to discuss feminism with him and other guy friends, to clarify and destigmatize the term in a 15-20 minute, calm conversation. It’s easy to get riled up about gender issues, which should definitely be the case—there’s some messed up stuff going on out there. But in order to have an influence on those around us, especially those who are initially averse to our ideas, we must engage in practical feminism: knowing our audience and effectively communicating our ideas, without sacrificing any of our passion and “intellectualism” along the way. I look forward to striking a balance this summer during the Moxie Project.
