I wore the same dress for 5 days straight

Let me preface this next confession with a very true statement: I LOVE AMERICA.  I do! I never want to live abroad, let alone travel.  My brother is a proud member of the military.  My parents’ whole relationship seems to revolve around football, and yadda yadda ya, this country rocks. However, this year, I was NOT looking forward to the 4th of July.  Mostly, we had too many Moxie Project events scheduled, and I was super stressed out about how to celebrate.  As soon as I found out about our Moxie schedule and the full 1pm- 10pm day we had scheduled on the 5th and our dinner on the 6th, I knew that this July 4th weekend would take some very detailed plans to pull off.

The weekend prior I finalized the plan.  After hearing word that one of my MOST FAVORITE teammates would be at her house in Boston for a couple days, I had a guiding light and worked from there.  Ready to hear it? You might want to grab a pen and some paper to map it out… ok, I’ll take care of all you visual learners:

Wednesday, July 3- Work then head right to Grand Central and go home! (CT)

Thursday, July 4- Wake up early and drive to Boston!

IMG_5015This is Claire who is Canadian and a great co-pilot

Friday, July 5-Leave Boston at 7am, drive to the commuter Metro North train, leave car there, take train to NYC, and be in Ada’s apartment by 1pm for discussion, attend the Museum of Sex, watch off-Broadway play “The Accidental Pervert,” spend night hanging out with Moxies

Saturday, July 6- FIND DEBIT CARD (not in original schedule of events), workout, eat delicious meal provided by Melanie and Kristie, take off right after Moxie discussion for Grand Central, take Metro North back to the train station where I left my car on Friday (say prayer on train that car has not disappeared from lot), drive home

Sunday, July 7- FREEDOM, NO TRAVEL, SPEND TIME WITH CAT, GET NAILS DONE

Monday, July 8- Have mom drive me to Metro North train on her way to work, take train to Grand Central, take subway to work…. End.

It was a great July 4th weekend.  I was so grateful that Claire tagged along from Wednesday until Friday too!  But my favorite part of all this back and forth traveling was my outfit.  I wore the same dress from Wednesday AM until Sunday PM, impressive right? Ok, well I did change for a few hours into a clean outfit on Friday PM, but then I lost my debit card, so it was clearly bad luck to set the dress aside.

There is something about consistency when you are moving from place to place.  Knowing all I had to do was throw on that dress was reassurance that the world wasn’t going to fall out from under my feet.  I get really anxious when traveling (yes, I’m considering this gallivanting around the Northeast “traveling.” Don’t judge, I’m not exactly “worldly”).  So this is my advice to you when you are anxious about a certain block of time that is a little daunting, whether it be for fear of not making it fun filled enough or even if you are stressing about matters much more important:  wear one thing consistently!

I switched high schools when I went into 11th grade and I swear, I wore the same leather bracelet like it was MY JOB.  Made me feel good to glance down and see something that I had also seen at home, at my previous high school, and then in a new, un-mastered place.   That bracelet was the tangible representation of who I was even if my location was changing.  Perhaps I didn’t need such a deep symbolic object when taking a couple days out of this New York City intern life, but every time I threw that baggy, blue dress over my head for day 2, 3, 4 or 5… I was like “Grace, you’re alive, you’re in the greatest country in the world, and you are SO LUCKY to be doing whatever the hell it is you are about to do today.”

dress

this is me and my dress with things going wrong (getting back $15 worth of $1 coins was not ideal when living off a Duke Engage stipend)

I’ll Take the High Road…You Can Follow if You’d Like

Mental BattleI think it’s about time I publicly address the tumultuous (mental) battle between church and state.  As a Christian and ardent supporter of human rights, I often find it difficult to strike a balance between popular opinion and “the words of the Lord” (Psalm 12:6).  Of course, the latter are open to interpretation, which makes them especially difficult to discern in the midst of such pressing political pressures.  For a Christian like me, the easiest way to escape this discomfort is to model our legal system after the archaic text of the Bible, making hard and fast rules despite their possible irrelevancy to the modern world. However, that’s doesn’t seem to be the appropriate method of resolution.  That type of rule making binds itself to nationalism, intolerance, and oppression, none of which are of God.  There must be a better way.

Church_StateSo, as a body of believers, Church, what are we left to do?  Shan’t we endeavor to protect the country from falling to pieces?  Must we fight to block the path to unrighteousness to ensure the moral well being of our fellow citizens?  Well, good idea, but no.  In our rush to block the “low road,” some of us have created unnecessary strife and encouraged a following of radicals who misrepresent our faith (i.e. Westboro Baptist Church).   Let us go about our attempt at godliness in a different way.  Just as the Father granted us free will, we should mirror such grace in the law.  During my time considering the moral repercussions of catering the legal system to a modern audience, I came across a quote; “You are free to choose.  You are not free from the consequences of your choice.”  Who are we to dictate the consequences of an impersonal, ‘venial sin’ like homosexuality?  That is for God to handle.  As for us, we can grant the freedom to choose.  That is closer to godliness.

GraceI understand, Church, that it is difficult to align oneself with faithless people who are fighting for the same end, be they in popular political matters or in the details of everyday life.  Despite this difficulty, we should still realize that our attempts to close the low road do not keep people from taking it.  Rather than forcing people to take the high road, we should invite them to do so by representing it well.  We should focus on taking the high road ourselves. Eventually people may see our good faith and imitate, but perhaps they will not.  We cannot force people to do what they don’t want to.  And we, better than anyone, should know that.

With Cyberspace — Nothing is Safe!!

Call me paranoid, but I truly believe that anything done using technology is never guaranteed to be safe. There are hackers, viruses, not to mention mistakes can be made like leaving your Facebook account open. Now, I’m not saying that people shouldn’t have private conversations via the internet or texting, I’m just saying BE AWARE that anything you put out there could possibly be seen by others than just yourself and that other person.

This seems relatively obvious to me, but, how is it that so many people in the spotlight seem to be somewhat oblivious to this. Prime example — Anthony Weiner. While at the Museum of Sex this weekend with the Moxies, I couldn’t help but focus solely on an exhibit which had all of the Facebook messages between Weiner and Meagan Broussard. Weiner, a congressman from New York, proceeded to have a relationship with Broussard via Facebook messages, twitter, and text message. They had sexual conversations and also sent each other sexually explicit pictures.

Anthony

I do not want to focus on the things Weiner said, or the relationship that he had. What I want to dig deeper into is HOW someone, especially someone in the public eye, can feel “safe” doing something like this. Doesn’t he know that these things could always be dug up and shared with the entire world!? After seeing so many scandals that happen with people in the public eye, whether its from other politicians, Tiger Woods, etc., how is it humanly possible for Weiner to think that doing something like this would not get him into some sort of trouble. Is it a generation thing? Is it him thinking that he is totally invincible because of the power of his political position? Does he secretly want to get caught? WHAT IS IT that makes a person like Weiner believe that he could keep something like this hidden. There are so many scandals that happen every year with people in the spotlight- how are people not learning from each other’s mistakes and learning NOT to use technology as a means of this type of communication!?

Enjoying the Journey Rather than Striving for Perfection: Why “Having it All” should not be the focus

Whether the phrase is “doing it all” or being “effortlessly perfect” — having the career, the kids, the wonderful relationship, the happy life, and never revealing both the stress and pressure that we all know is behind the strong, but poised face — this complex that women have accepted is neither uplifting or empowering. Rather, it is a construction that women have fallen into, and it is very difficult to get out.  
superwomanThe past few weeks, after being thrown into a full time internship + an intensive Duke Engage Program + training as a Division I athlete + making the time for teammates, family, and friends, I have grappled with this “having it all idea” and continued to go back to this statement — I CAN DO IT ALL.  This has been my attitude for as long as I can remember, even after my mom told me I was doing too much, even after she constantly used the phrase “jack of all trades, master of none”.  I liked being busy, I liked being challenged by the balancing act and the critics who said it couldn’t be done…most of all I think there was always a subconscious hope that despite my transience, I was basically superwoman, and could take on the world.  I don’t think this was a stupid way of thinking…maybe a little naïve and stubborn, but on the positive side, it reflected ambition.

 
But as the weeks have progressed during Moxie, I have realized that what was once ambition has now become a concentration, an obsession, with an OUTCOME that is impossible. The more I understand the barriers that women are faced with in our society, and the cultural messages that shape our behavior and attitudes, the more I can see that having it all is just another piece of this greater, patriarchal system. It is just another construction to keep women constantly going, working and reaching for an unattainable goal, but also constantly preoccupied with questioning their value and never reaching a place of satisfaction.

 

This notion of having it all was most upsetting to me when we saw the play Ann, which was a monologue and life-story about Ann Richards the second female governor of Texas, performed by Holland Taylor, actress of film, stage, television, and a playwright (If you wanna talk about doing it all).  Holland brilliantly portrayed Ann’s upbringing, her family background, and especially Ann’s tough, relentless, do-it-all attitude but also her witty and humorous side that probably kept her sane during the intense stress, and pressure that she was under during her term as governor.  The scene at her desk, which goes on for about 45 minutes, portrays a frustrated, overwhelmed, but assertive and capable Ann, balancing her career, her family, fitting in important people and dealing with some not so important/irritating individuals.  I admired her intensity, and her composure, her confidence and even the chaotic business. But at the same time it saddened me.  We can’t live like this. We women cannot be happy if we are constantly going, going and never breaking, never realizing our accomplishments and always looking at the end point.  I kept thinking…she is going to have a heart attack, it just seemed like the amount of work she had to do was impossible, and on top of that she had to constantly prove herself as a female leader.

 
I do want to be like Ann one day though.  I could definitely see myself working the long hours, dealing with needy people, drafting legislation, serving as a role model and mentor to other women, and changing the system from within, transforming the culture and society that we live in to better many others. But if this day ever comes (and I believe it will), I want to enjoy it, I want to embrace the process, be excited to come to work ready to take on a 12 (or more) hour days, but I want to do this with no regrets and I want to do it with joy. I believe that all of this can and will occur — as long as I follow my passion, stay true to my values, and have faith in the process I know that I will fully embrace any career, or path that I fall into. I just may not be able to take on all of my passions at the same time.

 
My most recent personal struggle, that has been a struggle since I was in 7th grade when I started running varsity track, was one of balancing my running with other passions and desires.  At 21 the decision is not whether or not I can play soccer and run at the same time, rather can I train like a pro-athlete, intern and do a duke engage program all at the same time.  My body has broken down the past few weeks, I have gotten sick twice, and I have realized that I will be unsuccessful andbri hispanic games unhappy if I continue to believe that I can do everything. I have finally admitted I cant. And the second, and probably most relieving realization, I don’t have to.  I am extremely passionate about this entire summer. The people I am meeting, the new knowledge that I am obtaining, and the experience that I am getting.  I love the process of developing myself as an individual, a woman and especially a feminist, BUT there is another passion that is more important to me at this point. My career as a runner.

 
It took me until last Wednesday, almost 10 years to realize what it meant to train like a pro, what it meant to prioritize my running and what it meant to be all in.  This realization, after much reflection and talking to a fellow teammate, was a relief, it was exciting and it seemed like a light bulb had finally gone off in my head.  I was and I am ready to do whatever is necessary to get to the next level.  I understand and accept the sacrifices, but I look forward to prioritizing my running because this is what I love, this is what I have dreamed of since I was 8, and this is what it means to “do it all” for this moment in my life. Texting my mom on Wednesday night I was excited, but also a bit uneasy.  When I started to cry I was confused…shouldn’t this be a happy moment?

 
I cried out of fear – fear of the unknown, fear of going all in, fear of pursuing my lifelong dream and passion and finally, a fear of failure. Now that I think about it, and I think about my goal to focus on the process and find joy in the journey, I realize this was an irrational fear. FAILURE is an endpoint. It has no room in my plan, in my journey, just as “having it all” (in our societies terms) is dropped from my to-do list.  There may never be one moment that I am succeeding in the balancing act, and accomplishing everything. This can only occur on 2 hours of sleep and even then something will always be missing. However, I will always “have enough”, I will always be fulfilled if I am enjoying the process, if I am following my passion and pushing myself to be a better me. I will always be happy if I stop allowing societies expectations of me and more importantly, of women, to consume my thoughts and behavior. The pressure and worry is unnecessary. It is as simple as living “in the now”, living free; living me.

 

Feats and Feet

carrie-bradshaw-mobile-wallpaper“When I first moved to New York and I was totally broke, sometimes I bought Vogue instead of dinner. I found it fed me more.”    

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     Growing up, my mother and I would bond over Sex and The City and in the back of my Chemistry and Physics textbooks, I liked to doodle little dresses and shoes. If all of my aspirations to study science and law went awry, I planned to characteristically move to New York and become the “starving” journalist who would justify spending bucketloads of money on Manolos before paying my rent. Naturally, coming to live in the City for a couple months, I was excited to see how crazily (and glamorously) people put themselves together. But, these thoughts were always categorized separately, distinct from my academic interests—my guilty pleasure and thirst that would be quenched through blogs and Instagram. Never did I think that such interests would intersect with my identity as a scholar and as a feminist.

     In a recent office discussion, one of my supervisors brought up the way in which female politicians are scrutinized more for their sense in fashion than in their policy decisions. I wasn’t sure about the latter half of that clause, but I remembered many politicians featured in Vogue. More accurately, in fourteen administrations, only one first lady hasn’t been featured in the pages of the magazine. Condoleeza Rice, Hillary Clinton and Nikki Haley graced the pages in haute couture. Evidently, I hadn’t thought much of it. What did it mean for Vogue editors to compliment these women for their classy choice in suits and accessories? One of my co-workers was furious—”Everytime, girls go out and really do something. What happens? Their shoes make it to the front page of the Times.”

     Look for yourself. Google (or Bing) “Hillary Clinton” and within first couple pages of the search, you’ll find major news outlets covering the evolution of pantsuits. And a recent example— badass Senator Wendy Davis landed on national headlines following an 11-hour filibuster that helped defeat a controversial abortion bill aimed at severely cutting access to abortion services across Texas. The morning after the feat, my Instagram feed was filled with comments about her choice in wearing pink Mizuno Waves. I tried talking about Davis to a friend that evening and all I got out of him was, “I wonder if those kickass sneaks come in men’s sizes.” And that’s all I could churn out of him that evening. (On a side note: it must be a week of sneakers. Apparently, Roger Federer’s scandalous orange-soled Nike sneaks are sold out in stores everywhere. But, I digress…) If that’s what some got away from Davis’ courage that day, we live in a shitty place.

     Writing yet again another blog entry about female politicians and their style probably does not help change the status quo. But, I hope to document this change of thought and the need to judge politicians as just that—politicians. Yes, a female politician brings to the table knowledge and experience that are rare among the male folk. And those qualities in addition to accomplishments made should be what makes it to the front page of the Washington Post. In the need to feminize those women leading the pack, both men and women depreciate the value and ability to enact positive change by confining these female leaders to their stereotypical roles. (My supervisor suggested that I write a blog targeting the uncleanliness and antiquated sense of taste prevalent in the male politicians atop Capitol Hill, but that probably won’t help solve anything. And besides, I’ll keep jeering within the confines of my own home).
mizuno

7 Tips to Ensure a Successful Pride Weekend

  1. Hold the rally in the most stunning, invigorating and empowering space possible. Ideal: run the event along the length of a pier jutting out into the Hudson River atp-esb-pride-2013nd neighbored by the iconic buildings of New York’s downtown—most notably (and aptly named), the Freedom Tower.
  2. Sell merchandise that earns money, advertises for the cause and is too adorable to turn down. Bonus points for rainbow-coloured rain streaming from an animated, lovable storm cloud.
  3. Speaking of storm clouds, if you could possibly arrange this, make a worthwhile deal with Mother Nature to have it rain lightly for the first few performances, only to create a massive, epic and extremely fitting rainbow that will consume the entire sky. Expect SERIOUS excitement and escalated cheering.
  4. In terms of the choirs/comedians/speakers/solo artists you decide to fill the program with, remember—variety is key. Mix things up; follow a crude comedian who overuses the word cock with a recent high school graduate telling his courageous, public coming-out story.
  5. Give a shout out to the straight folks in the crowd! They love that, and feel even more special and welcomed to this cause that is all about passion, equality and diversity. Plus this will help future LGBTQ activists in the constant struggle to permanently remove the barrier  between the homo- and hetero-sexual community, the first major step that must happen before there is true respect and acceptance of all sexual orientations.
  6. Bring out the drag queens. And Gaga. Pull out all the stops and do everything in your power to make this the event of the weekend, and a fabulous cause to support.
  7. Be a commanding presence in one of the most vibrant, progressive cities in the world. March down all parts of town, embrace the wacky outfits and wavepride the Pride flag proudly. This is your moment, celebrate it!! Especially when 4 days prior, SCOTUS struck down DOMA (ahhh!).

Happy Pride!

From One Rich White Girl to Another

My Wednesday night began with a conversation between me and some white friends outside of the Moxie program talking about Moxie over pizza.  They started asking me basic questions, “How do you like it?” and “What do you do in it?” but the conversation quickly progressed from this boring superficiality to more in-depth topics (thank goodness, or this would be a really dull blog post).

I explained to them that one of the coolest parts of my program is watching how all of these different women engage with feminism–many of whom have little experience with the term. I talked about how one person didn’t consider herself a feminist because she sees it as a white women’s movement. That blew their minds so I continued on, explaining feminism, womanism, and my own struggle with recognizing my privilege, particularly when it came to race–something I hadn’t (embarrassingly) ever put much thought to until the beginning of my sophomore year of college. They kept asking me questions and it was extremely exciting explaining everything to them. It was a personal challenge, trying to find ways to explain intersectionality and how saying “I don’t see race” was not anti-racism, and what systemic problems were to people who had never really engaged in this kind of academic thought.

But a friend was there who really started frustrating me. She just didn’t get it. She was complaining about how her black roommate in New York had tweeted about her (something to the extent of “ugh, living with rich white girls…”) and she asked me what I thought. I laughed and said, “Well, you are a rich white girl.” She also laughed but continued on, saying, “I’m not rich. I’m middle class.”

We’re talking about a girl who just spent 25 dollars on dinner for herself, wears expensive clothes and designer items, lives in an upscale home in the middle of D.C., and is paying for Duke out of pocket. There is nothing wrong with any of that (er, well, maybe I’ll get into distribution of wealth another time…) but the fact that she was so dopey, so utterly out of touch with reality really made my blood boil. And this was from one rich white girl to another.

Surprisingly, it made me think a lot about the way academics work. As a science major, she wasn’t required to take any identity courses (i.e. african american studies, women’s studies, etc.) and likely had never thought about these things before. But that wasn’t necessarily her fault. As a white, straight, upper-class person she didn’t have to think about race or sexual orientation or class because of that privilege. What was holding her accountable? What was encouraging her to think about these things? There was nothing.

I kept thinking. How can we expect anything to change if we keep ignorant people ignorant and they continue to be our leaders, our teachers, our law enforcers, our presidents? Why isn’t there some sort of institutional push (at least at a highly-esteemed university like Duke) to bring kids like her into classes that will make them think about these things? Can you imagine what our world would be like if Elementary students were taught that being called a “girl” or “gay” isn’t an insult? If Elementary students had a thirty minute block in their day where they got to talk about who they think they are, at such a young age? Where they could be encouraged to think about their identity in the world around them? How would this shape the people they would come to be?

The most interesting part about my conversation was that all of the girls I was talking with, this girl included, really seemed to take away a lot from the very basic things I was saying about identity. There was a lot of  “I can’t believe I’ve never thought about that!” and “Oh my gosh, are you serious…wow” flying around the room. And this was me talking about basic, simplified concepts and examples. I just kept thinking about how bringing these women into identity classes, at least one, could be incredibly personally rewarding for them. They could learn how to better work within our world and interact with others in classes where professors could better explain these concepts. If they got so much from me, I can only imagine what would happen if these students (men and women alike) were encouraged to take courses with people who really know what they’re talking about.

Duke did force me into rocks for jocks, after all.

Let me know what you think and Hollaback! at yo’ girl!

Little Girls Learning Through Lyrics

I enjoy listening to some mainstream rap, especially at parties. There’s nothing like a song with a great beat, catchy hook, and strong bass. For example, I love Rocko’s “U.O.E.N.O,” well, all of it except the part when Rick Ross alludes to date rape in the second verse, “Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it, I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it”

music

Ok I’ll give another example, Juicy J’s “Show Out” is a workout favorite of mine, but if you listen closely to the lyrics, the rappers refer to women as bitches and hoes throughout the track. So now do you understand why my like of this music is so problematic? I am a woman and I should hate these songs because they disrespect and hyper sexualize women as a whole.

Prior to watching Lupe Fiasco’s “Bitch Bad,” I didn’t pay attention to the repercussions of demeaning rap music. The video shows a young girl reenacting the dances she sees in the music videos. Seeing this little girl gyrate her hips is what got me, I mean she couldn’t be more than 8 years old. That’s disturbing. Even more, these videos are showing girls to value themselves solely by their looks, there are few mainstream songs that actually appreciate the intelligence and worth of a woman, Alicia Key’s “Woman’s Worth,” is a fave of mine.

In fact, throughout the media (with some exceptions) you can clearly see women valued for their looks alone; for example, the Dove “Real Beauty Sketches” commercial, Hillary Clinton and the focus on her pantsuits, etc. Society is teaching young girls to value themselves on looks alone; I didn’t succumb to societal pressures because I have a strong support group of friends and family, along with the fact that I learned from an early age to be skeptical of the media’s portrayal of women. But for the girls who don’t have support groups?

But the true challenge to myself is how do I, as a college student who loves to go out and dance to this music, respond? Do I abstain from listening to the music? Do I send an open letter to a music exec? Do I lecture my little sister on why this lyric or that lyric is bad? Where do I begin? Is it enough? Better yet- am I even ready and willing to do all these things?

Top Three Reasons to Consider Being an Intern


So it’s the summer after your freshman or sophomore year in college (maybe even junior year), and you have nothing else to do besides go home and watch sitcoms with your cat and moma. Why not be productive this summer and consider taking on an internship? Internships can give you great insight into the field that you would like to work in. Plus, there’s always great coffee in the office’s kitchen! Here are the top three reasons why you should consider being an intern:

1) You are young!!! People love receiving ideas from young, beautiful, witty people like you! You are all over that social media, pop star news AND national debates. Why wouldn’t an executive company want your ideas? You need to remember that your youth does not only mean you are not old enough to legally purchase alcoholic drinks, but it also means that you bring a new and creative perspective into the sphere of work which you are participating.

2) Networking!!! Did anyone ever tell you how important it was for you to get to know your teacher’s friend’s father’s college roommate? Because your teacher’s friend’s father’s college roommate is the president of some-huge-corporation-that-you-aspire-to-work-for. When you become an intern you will have the great opportunity to meet some pretty distinguished and amazing people. These people are doing great things to help our world. Whether it is attorneys, doctors, CEOs, or even hair dressers—they are all there. And once you develop a great connection with them throughout your internship, they are more than likely to help you in the future.

3) And lastly, but most importantly. You will gain a sense of confidence (if you did not have one already, or if like me, it was lackin’ in some areas). Your supervisors will ask you to read an article and write a summary. That’s right they will TRUST that you read the article coherently and are now providing a full on summary about what exactly the article was about. You may have to present ideas and research in front of panels; you may call people in other states, other countries to ask them for advice and or favors; you may even be in charge of ordering all of the 156 donuts for next week’s meeting. If you feel that you could use a confidence booster, get an internship! It’s the best way to enhance your self-esteem and learn how to present yourself through a credible and ideally manner.