Civility can increase employees’ job satisfaction, mental health, and organizational commitment while reducing their emotional exhaustion and intention to quit. But in today’s tense environment, even casual remarks, lighthearted jokes, or well-meaning feedback can trigger frustration or conflict. Staying professional during conflict takes practice.

Our brain processes 11 million pieces of information per second, all stemming from our 5 senses. To process this information quickly, only about 5% of our brain’s activities are conscious.

When we are triggered by a person or situation, our bodies undergo a physical reaction from our unconscious brain. This response is often referred to as the flight, fright, or freeze states. These states are conditions of being human. We cannot stop our biological initial reaction to a specific situation.

These states have a direct impact on our physical bodies. For example, it is common to experience shallow breathing and a fast heart rate when your body is in flight, fight, or freeze mode (a.k.a., survival mode).

The good news is that you CAN teach your brain to flip the switch and get yourself out of survival mode quickly. With practice, you can learn to flip that switch in just a few seconds for most triggers (longer for more egregious ones) so that you can move forward professionally, regardless of what is thrown your way.

A simple framework you can use to manage your emotions and move forward professionally is “SOAR.”

STOP – Pause. Become aware of how you are feeling and resist the urge to act without thinking. Take deep breaths to re-center.

OBSERVE – When you feel attacked, your brain shifts into threat mode, reducing your ability to think clearly. Pause before reacting so you don’t speak or act impulsively from a place of stress. Name how you are feeling and observe how the other parties involved are reacting. Get curious about the situation.

ACKNOWLEDGE – Acknowledge what you need to do in the moment to show up as a leader. Labeling your emotions helps you regain control. Identify whether the threat is to your status, certainty, autonomy, relationship to others, or sense of fairness. Putting your finger on the threat you’re facing will activate your reasoning and diffuse the emotional charge.

RESPOND – Break the cycle. Respond intentionally with clarity and neutrality to avoid escalating the situation. Keep your message focused and non-defensive, redirecting the conversation toward something constructive rather than confrontational.

With practice and moving step-by-step through the “SOAR” method, you will find that you can access and engage your problem-solving abilities with ease. This framework gives you the right to choose how to react to a situation, so you can show up intentionally and authentically in your career.

 

References:
Engineers Rising (2021, July 29) Staff Writer: How to Manage Emotions and Stay Professional During Conflict
HBR (2025, March 28) Laura Cassiday and David Rock: What it Takes to Fix a “Mean” Workplace